So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
