Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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