toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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