in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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