Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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