what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
