And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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