Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
