Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
