I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
