what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize