none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
