You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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