I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
