So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My nipple is on Facebook.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
