So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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