I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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