why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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