Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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