I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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