sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize