fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you had me at cake vodka
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
