I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
