I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize