Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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