I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
