Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
