so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
