Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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