giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
