You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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