So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
