is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
