I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
