I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
