if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
