Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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