Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
