He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
