i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't deserve a penis
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
