I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
do nipples grow back?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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