Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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