Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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