the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize