never play flip cup with pint glasses
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
