I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
