He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
