you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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