also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
