If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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