If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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