i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
