New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
