She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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