the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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