Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize