I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
