First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
