true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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