When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
