I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
