Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize