I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
