Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
