your parents love me but you hate me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
