Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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