whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
